I had to take some time to really take in what was going on with Kevin Garn, and there’s a lot of anger that’s worth spreading around.
Kevin Garn: Really? What part of your mind thought that, as a 30-year-old married man, it would be okay with carry on a relationship with a 15-year-old girl that culminated in a round of naked hot-tubbing? (Strike one.) This was your Sunday school student and your employee to boot. That goes so far beyond “poor judgment” that I’m not even entirely sure there’s a word to describe it. At the very least, you’re a total manipulative skeeze. Then you decide it’s a good idea, 17 years later (and long after the statute of limitations, I would add) to try and buy off her silence. (Strike two.) Apparently, the $150K and a non-disclosure agreement wasn’t quite enough to keep her from blabbing the story to the entire free world in the meantime, and you ended up forced to ‘fess up a good 25 years later. That’s all fine and well, but why on earth did you choose the last night of the legislative session with a captive audience to do it? (Strike three.) Good heavens, man. Hold a press conference with your wife and kids at your side like every other guy embroiled in a sex scandal. Forcing everyone into that kind of uncomfortable situation is unseemly and unprofessional.
David Clark: Look, I can understand wanting to sit on this kind of thing. I get that. You party guys are supposed to protect your own and all, and just like a good team player you wanted to close ranks. But c’mon, enabling the circus on the floor without giving anyone else warning that it was coming? It reads like a bad joke. You’re leadership. You’re supposed to lead. What you did is not leadership. I think Holly is right about you.
Deseret News: I can understand sitting on the story back in 2002. Garn lost his bid for public office, it looked like he was going back to private life, and the accuser clammed up suddenly and stopped talking, casting the veracity of the entire thing into doubt. It was an editorial judgment call and you made it, though it sounds like you had plenty to at least put something in the paper at a later date, say like maybe when Garn wanted to hold elected office once again? And maybe when the accuser starts talking again, you should maybe run the story? But no, instead of running with that kind of scoop, you were caught with your pants down just like everyone else. You lost a lot of credibility as journalists on this one.
Every single chucklehead who clapped: I don’t even think I need to explain this one. Thank goodness for the few that were stunned enough or incensed enough not to participate.
The entire majority caucus: Did it really take you two hours in a private session to come up with that completely and totally lame statement? It should have taken all of five minutes to agree that Garn is a skeeze, clapping was idiotic, and Clark totally bungled handling it from his side. Good job at throwing plenty of gasoline on the UEG fire so that they can get their terrible bill pushed through not on merit, but on the fact that they’re doing something while you appear to do nothing.
Cheryl Maher: Yeah, what happened to her is bad and it’s probably contributed to some of her issues, but I have serious doubts that it didn’t just exacerbate some mental problems that were already there. I know people who went through much worse that still ended up becoming decent human beings. If it’s about justice, why on earth didn’t you file a frakkin’ police report and press charges? Why did you continue to stay in contact with him? Why did you take the hush money and violate the non-disclosure agreement? And most importantly of all, why were you e-mail his son thinly-veiled blackmail threats? At some point, stop blaming everyone else for your poor choices in life.
Maher’s soon-to-be-ex-husband: How tasteless and classless can you get to start airing your marriage’s dirty laundry in the daily papers during your divorce proceedings? Apparently you saw your opportunity to get in another dig and just couldn’t help yourself. She may be looney tunes, but you’re not exactly giving us an image of a guy she’d want to stick with, you know?
And just because I’m sure that Ric Cantrell thought there was no way I could possibly tie this song to the session:
Yeah, it’s probably a bit harsh and maybe a little tasteless, but when the thought popped into my head, I had a hearty belly laugh. (For the record, Ric and I had that exchange weeks ago when none of us knew about Garn and he asked me not to find a way to do it. Sorry, Ric, but comedy demanded satisfaction.)